"Praise given to children in their early years by the parents is essential to the growth of a healthy brain," said psychologist Terri Apter, "and similarly, if a child is ignored, neglected or abused, its brain will be put under stress and its development damaged." In some families, praise is routine, in others it is short-lived."
In the latter, young children or teenagers may not know when they will be blamed, either for a specific action, or for just being the person they are, unvalued and unloved.
"Praise is a potent medicine."
In a powerful talk, Apter said that men generally find it harder to apportion blame to their partner, for instance. Instead, they will shut down, known as "stonewalling". They are afraid of the other's reaction and so prefer to stay silent.
"Shame is known as 'the ugly emotion', but also 'the necessary' one," she continued. "You have shamed me and therefore I must annihilate you" is a reaction on a personal but also a geo-political level" that can pre-empt war between nations.
To judge is better than to be judgmental, was one of the memorable messages conveyed. Her book is .